Dialogue and dessert buffet this coming Wednesday November 20 at the Humainologie Gallery and Store

The dialogue with dessert buffet on Wednesday November 20 begins at 6 PM at the Humainologie Gallery & Store, 1514 Seventh Street SW.

What would you most like to accomplish by the end of next year? Nyabuoy Gatbel and Laurie Lin had facilitated one of our dialogues in August and began by asking us questions about such things as relationships that we’d like to enrich in the year ahead. They were great questions, perfect for choosing a “New Year’s Resolution” (or Goal). In the next few dialogues we might devote some attention to what you would like to accomplish, and how you could be successful. Here’s a website that might help you get started

https://holidappy.com/holidays/100-Process-and-Survey-Questions-to-Bring-In-the-New-Year-Mindfully

100 Reflection Questions to Help Guide Your New Year's Resolutions | Holidappy

The start of a new year is a great opportunity to redesign your life. Provided are 100 process questions to help you figure out what is most important to you in the year to come. Use these as inspiration for mindful and realistic New Year's resolutions.

holidappy.com

That book by James Clear, Atomic Habits, is also helpful for this purpose, so I’ll append the synopsis, previously circulated, at the end of this message. And here are some good quotations on the topic of “Success and Ways to Achieve It” from that book, 1001 Smartest Things Ever Said

· “The indispensable first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.” - Ben Stein

· “Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.” - John R. Wooden

· “You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” - Wayne Gretzky

· “Eighty percent of success is just showing up.” - Woody Allen

· “One thing life taught me: If you are interested, you never have to look for new interests. They come to you. When you are genuinely interested in one thing, it will always lead to something else.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

· “If I were asked to give what I consider the single most useful bit of advice for all humanity, it would be this: Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life. . . Look it squarely in the eye, and say, I will be bigger than you. You cannot defeat me.” - Ann Landers

· “Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.” - Oprah Winfrey

· “When people keep telling you that you can’t do a thing, you kind of like to try it.” - Margaret Chase Smith

· “Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.” - George Eliot

· “Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go – and then do it.” - Ann Landers

· “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” - Thomas Jefferson

· “To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Book: (James Clear) Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones (2018)

As a high school sophomore aspiring to athletic greatness, James Clear was struck in the face by a baseball bat. Multiple skull fractures, coma, and helicopter evacuation to emergency treatment in Cincinnati were followed by gradual recovery. Years later, in college, he was named to the Academic All-America baseball team. That comeback was achieved by forming countless tiny habits. The author began writing about it, keeping notes about his experiments with habits. By late 2016, he had eight million readers and his articles were appearing in major publications like Time and Forbes.

“The backbone of this book,” he writes, “is my four-step model of habits – cue, craving, response, and reward – and the four laws of behavior change that evolve out of these steps.”

He compares the advantages of good habits to compound interest, for example:

“Knowledge compounds. Learning one new idea won’t make you a genius, but a commitment to lifelong learning can be transformative. Furthermore, each book you read not only teaches you something new but also [reveals new] ways of thinking about old ideas. …. Relationships compound. People reflect your behavior back to you. The more you help others, the more others want to help you. Being a little bit nicer in each interaction can result in a network of broad and strong connections over time.”

All too often people try to attain a goal and either become discouraged when they see no progress; or having achieved the goal relapse into old patterns of behavior. Instead of a focus on the goal, it is the process (or “system”) of moving forward that should be the focus. “If you want better results, then forget about setting goals. Focus on your system instead.” He does not mean that goals are useless. Instead, they “are good for setting a direction, but systems are best for making progress.”

And yet the most important reason for the power of good habits is “not because they can get you better results (although they can do that) but because they can change your beliefs about yourself.” Your very identity can change! Every time you put a good habit into action it’s “a vote for the type of person you want to become.” If you’re breaking the habit of smoking and someone offers you a cigarette, you could respond with “No thanks, I’m trying to quit” but it’s better to respond: “No thanks, I’m not a smoker.” Identity is what it’s all about. Therefore, 1) Decide the type of person you want to be. 2) Prove it to yourself with small wins.

The “four simple steps” to establishing better habits are cue, craving, response, and reward. Each of those steps corresponds to one of the Four Laws of Behavior Change. Most of the book is about those Four Laws.

The First Law: Make It Obvious. Behavior change starts with awareness of your patterns of behavior. Ask yourself of any habit (one you already have or one you might establish) whether it helps you become the kind of person you want to be. To start a new habit that serves that purpose, create and recognize cues that trigger the habit. Time and location are the most common cues. Include them in a brief, explicit description of the habit you intend to establish. Write it down. “Habit stacking” associates a behavior that is already habitual with a new habit you want to establish. The author illustrates this with such examples as “When I buy a new item, I will give something away (‘One in, one out’) and “When I walk into a party, I will introduce myself to someone I don’t know yet.” One chapter emphasizes the value of structuring your environment so that it gives you cues to trigger your good habits. (You have one corner of one room that’s set up specifically for the meditation habit you have decided to establish, and every time you see that simple, elegant part of the room, you are reminded of your meditation.) Conversely, getting rid of a bad habit involves reducing your exposure to the cues that trigger the habit.

The Second Law: Make It Attractive. Ideally, make the new habit irresistible. One way to do this is to connect it to a reward once the habit is done. If you want to establish a habit of aerobic exercise every day, follow the successful completion of your aerobic exercise session with something you love to do (and make the aerobic exercise session a prerequisite for the irresistible reward that follows it). Another trick is to join a group in which the new habit you want to form is the behavioral norm for the group. If you want to start jogging, join a jogging group, if you want to start reading more, join a reading group. Conversely, to get rid of a bad habit, make it unattractive. One way to do this is to think of the bad habit in negative terms. Watching too much TV? Think of it in terms of what you are having to give up in order to spend all those hours in front of the screen.

The Third Law: Make It Easy. The chapter “Walk Slowly, but Never Backward” begins with the story of a photography class which the instructor divided into two groups. Group one would be graded on the quantity of photos they produced; group two would be graded on the quality of the photos they produced. Not only did each student in group one produce more photos, they also produced better photos. The second group spent too much time thinking about it. “If you want to master a habit, the key is to start with repetition, not perfection.” In making a new habit stick, it’s the frequency of the repetitions that matter. You could practice your new habit ten times in thirty days or two hundred times in thirty days. The higher frequency will make it automatic much faster. Making it easy also involves advance preparation so that when it’s time to do your habit, everything is ready. Conversely, to get rid of a bad habit, make it harder to do. Watching too much TV? Unplug the set every time you finish watching it. Always remember the Two-Minute Rule: “When you start a new habit, it should take less than two minutes to do.” Do you want to start running marathons? Begin with a habit that takes less than two minutes, such as putting on your running shoes. Repeat, and gradually increase your training sessions.

The Fourth Law: Make It Satisfying. What is immediately rewarded is repeated; what is immediately punished is avoided. “Because of how we are wired, most people will spend all day chasing quick hits of satisfaction.” Somehow you need to create an immediate reminder of the delayed reward your good new habit will lead to. Habit tracking is a way of making your progress visible. It might be a check mark on the calendar for every day you do your habit. If you miss one intended session, don’t miss the next one. It’s okay to slip up occasionally but use the slip to spur your resolve. Also, do not mistake the measurement for the real purpose. Self-transformation is what it’s about, not the number of check marks on your habit-tracking calendar. An “accountability partner” is another point of emphasis. You can even write a contract with the details of your habit project, as well as the consequences of failure, and sign it and ask two other people to sign it as witnesses.

This book is a useful reference for self-transformation in the direction of your choice. Whatever difficulty you’re dealing with or vision you want to realize, this may be exactly the guide you need to design and implement your approach.