Dialogue and dessert buffet tomorrow Wednesday December 4 at Humainologie Gallery and Store

Tomorrow Wednesday December 4 is our weekly dialogue with dessert buffet. It starts at 6 PM, at the Humainologie Gallery & Store, 1514 Seventh Street SW. I have appended below this message a quick glimpse of three more chapters from Robert Greene's book The Laws of Human Nature. We might even use it as a dialogue-starter tomorrow.

Arthur

Book: (Robert Greene) The Laws of Human Nature (2018)

An overview of this book and synopsis of Chapter 1 has previously been circulated. Here, I’ll give a glimpse of Chapters 2, 3, and 4. Please keep always in mind that basic principle: The map is not the territory. Robert Greene provides a way of thinking about human behavior, a map that can help you navigate the seas of life. The reality of human nature, however, is far more than what anyone can encompass in words. Make your own map, use this one, or find another. Whichever you choose: Bon voyage!

Chapter 2 Transform Self-love into Empathy: The Law of Narcissism. Narcissism, explains the author, is essential to our well-being. The infant cannot survive without the mother’s rapt attention and support. However, after about two years of age, the child begins to understand that she or he cannot rely on that adoration from mother, or even from other people, forever. Instead, the child must begin to internalize its source of affection and support. This process can take a normal direction, resulting in “functional narcissism” in the young adult. Most of us are functional narcissists. Alternatively, the process can lead to a “deep narcissism” in various forms, which are pathologic manifestations of this self-love. Finally, and optimally, the process can lead to “healthy narcissism,” in which the individual has an unusual level of empathy for others. This “healthy narcissism” is a goal to which we can aspire. We can develop a responsible self-esteem, and earn the respect of others, by our service to something larger than our little self, and by developing empathy for everyone we meet. Indeed, by developing our empathic skills, as the author explains, we can find a “genuine inner strength and resilience” – including an ability to laugh at ourselves and to take insults lightly.

“You can recognize deep narcissists by the following behavior patterns: If they are ever insulted or challenged, they have no defense, nothing internal to soothe them or validate their worth. They generally react with great rage, thirsting for vengeance, full of a sense of righteousness. This is the only way they know how to assuage their insecurities.” The case of Joseph Stalin (1879-1953) is presented as an example of a “complete control narcissist” (a form of deep narcissism in the author’s conceptual framework). Stalin was dictator of the Soviet Union after the death (1924) of Vladimir Lenin. The fear that Stalin cultivated in those around him – a fear of displeasing the man – was reinforced by arbitrary executions, often for obscure reasons. A form of political terror was national policy.

Healthy narcissism is illustrated by the case of Ernest Shackleton (1874-1922), an Antarctic explorer who was constantly in touch with the psychological needs of the men he led into that polar wilderness. “The Mood Reader,” as he is described by Robert Greene, was the leader of a group of 27 men in 1915, whose quest to cross Antarctica for the first time was struck with disaster. Their very survival was at risk for several weeks. The morale of the men would make the difference between life and death, and Shackleton knew this. “The first thing he had to do was to get out ahead of the problem and infect the crew with the proper spirit. It all started from the leader. He would have to hide all of his own doubts and fears.” Shackleton paid attention to each of the men. For example, when he noticed one of the men who seemed dispirited after the day’s work detail, he put the man on a lighter work assignment and encouraged the man, pointing out that he was not alone and yes it was very hard to get through each day.

As the case of Shackleton illustrates, developing our empathic skills can be of life or death importance. “Empathy is more than anything a state of mind, a different way of relating to others. The greatest danger you face is your general assumption that you really understand people and that you can quickly judge and categorize them. Instead, you must begin with the assumption that you are ignorant and that you have natural biases that will make you judge people incorrectly.” Develop a “flexible, open spirit.” In your daily conversations, develop the habit of listening to the other person’s point of view instead of talking and giving your opinion. To develop our “analytic empathy,” the advice is “…to gather as much as you can about the early years of the people you are studying and their relationship to their parents and siblings.” People with different worldviews can be especially helpful in this process. “As Abraham Lincoln said, ‘I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.’”

Chapter 3 See Through People’s Masks: The Law of Role-playing. Using the historical case of Milton Erickson (1901-1980), who was afflicted by polio at the age of seventeen, Robert Greene describes how close to the observational skill of Sherlock Holmes a real-life person might come. To develop that observational acumen, the author suggests not only observing other people, but also observing ourselves. “Notice how often or when you tend to put on a fake smile, or how your body registers nervousness – in your voice, the drumming of your fingers…and so on. Becoming acutely aware of your own nonverbal behavior will make you more sensitive and alert to the behavior of others.”

Greene advises us almost like a film director, including such things as to master the nonverbal cues, be a method actor, adapt to your audience, create the proper first impression, use dramatic effects, and project saintly qualities.

“The word personality comes from the Latin persona, which means ‘mask.’ In the public we all wear masks, and this has a positive function. If we displayed exactly who we are and spoke our minds truthfully, we would offend almost everyone and reveal qualities that are best concealed. Having a persona, playing a role well, actually protects us from people looking too closely at us, with all of the insecurities that would churn up. In fact, the better you play your role, the more power you will accrue, and with power you will have the freedom to express more of your peculiarities.”

Chapter 4 Determine the Strength of People’s Character: The Law of Compulsive Behavior. How well do you know yourself – your strengths and weaknesses? Are you easily upset by certain situations, and if so, what are those situations and why do they upset you? Howard Hughes Jr. (1905-1976) had considerable natural gifts and plenty of money, but “he lived with an image of himself that did not correlate with his character.” He had a gift for design and engineering, and he could have had a brilliant career. Instead, he tried to micromanage the people who worked for him. “This led to a pattern of failures and a miserable life.” Become a critical observer of your own behavior and work to cultivate such traits as “resilience under pressure, attention to detail, the ability to complete things, to work with a team, to be tolerant of people’s differences.” This necessarily involves attention to your habits, the focus of James Clear’s book Atomic Habits. Robert Greene’s advice resonates with James Clear’s observation that every time you put a good habit into action it’s “a vote for the type of person you want to become.”