Humainologie creative dialogue Tuesday October 4 on Becoming Human and Belonging

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other."   - Mother Teresa  

"I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself."  - Maya Angelou               

"Giving connects two people, the giver and the receiver, and this connection gives birth to a new sense of belonging."   - Deepak Chopra   

For the Calgary peace museum to be successful, it’s important that each of us become personally and creatively involved in making the vision a reality.   Our dialogue on October 4 will provide an opportunity for you to do that. 

We can structure it around the ideas in Jean Vanier’s book Becoming Human, where he provides a very clear and pragmatic way of understanding the cause of war.  I’ve appended my synopsis of the book.   Our culture of war comes from narrow group identities.  To move away from our culture of war to a culture of peace, we must outgrow our narrow group identities and expand our circles of belonging to be far more inclusive. 

Calgary can become the best city on earth for doing that, and the peace museum can be where visitors learn about how they can help. 

For our dialogue on October 4, I will ask each of you to imagine a project that you might get started (or an idea for developing one you already have going) that you would like to see featured in the Calgary peace museum.  Share that idea with us.  We’ll brainstorm such ideas and build group genius on October 4. 

At our most recent dialogue event, with Trudy Govier facilitating, there were about a dozen participants at Parkdale United Church.  It was very productive, concluding with each participant sharing a suggestion they thought was essential for the peace museum proposal.  

Let’s aim for that level of success – or even higher - with our dialogue on October 4.  It will be in the auditorium on the first floor of the Parkdale United Church, 2919 Eighth Avenue NW, starting at 7:00 PM.  You can join the meeting by Zoom: 

Topic: Dialogue Session for Peace Museum InitiativeTime: Oct 4, 2022 07:00 PM Mountain Time (US and Canada)Join Zoom Meetinghttps://us02web.zoom.us/j/83655931457?pwd=RXI3TzB3bkxoNFhydVdYeldscmRTUT09Meeting ID: 836 5593 1457Passcode: 12345

 In closing, I want to mention my hope that the spirit of Dr. Bernadette Curry will be with us on October 4.  Bernadette is a former colleague at the medical centre and a close friend of mine.  Those who knew her, loved her for her beautiful spirit.  That spirit is still with us. 

Arthur

I am well aware of Jean Vanier’s misconduct https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUoaM9WalNw that emerged after his death.  We can discuss that issue at the dialogue event on October 4 if you wish to do so.  Here’s my synopsis of his book:

Book: (Jean Vanier, 1998) Becoming Human

            Jean Vanier had presented the essence of this book in the CBC Massey Lectures series, and the book itself became a #1 National Bestseller. Vanier identifies as a Christian, while my own conceptual framework is quite different (secular agnostic).  However, his references to Biblical texts are useful additions to this book, which I found to be essential reading for what I am trying to accomplish in my own life. As background on the author himself, it is useful to know that he is founder of l’Arche  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L%27Arche  an organization that supports people with intellectual disabilities.   The book itself emphasizes how imperfect we are.  The five chapters of the book are entitled “Loneliness,” “Belonging,” “From Exclusion to Inclusion,” “The Path to Freedom,” and “Forgiveness.”

             In the first chapter of the book, “Loneliness,” he states a paradox we face.  “So here is the paradox: as humans we are caught between competing drives, the drive to belong, to fit in and be part of something bigger than ourselves, and the drive to let our deepest selves rise up, to walk alone, to refuse the accepted and the comfortable, and this can mean, at least for a time, the acceptance of anguish.  …We must find a way to balance our two opposing impulses.”

            The second chapter, “Belonging,” provides a valuable guide to understanding terrorism and warfare.  Because we need that sense of belonging, we develop group identities – Christian, Muslim, Jewish, American, Russian, Canadian, whatever – and those group identities often become militant and violent, leading to violence including civil war and international war.  “In all conflicts between groups, there are three elements. One: the certitude that our group is morally superior, possibly even chosen by God.  All others should follow our example or be at our service.  In order to bring peace to the world, we have to impose our set of beliefs upon others, through manipulation, force, and fear, if necessary.  Two: a refusal or incapacity to see or admit to any possible errors or faults in our group. The undeniable nature of our own goodness makes us think we are infallible; there can be no wrong in us.  Three: a refusal to believe that any other group possesses truth or can contribute anything of value.  At best, others may be regarded as ignorant, unenlightened, and possessing only half-truths; at worst, they are seen as destructive, dangerous and possessed by evil spirits: they need to be overpowered for the good of humanity.  Society and cultures are, then, divided into the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’; the good attributing to themselves the mission to save, to heal, to bring peace to a wicked world, according to their own terms and under their controlling power.” To free ourselves from this self-righteousness leading to violence, we must find a far more inclusive sense of belonging.   The author suggests a way to accomplish this: “Where does a broader sense of belonging come from?  How do we break free of the straitjacket of group belonging?  I believe it begins with human contact, with friendship, and as we listen to each other’s stories.  We are all particularly touched when someone of another culture treats us kindly, even though we are not a member of their group, or when they reveal their inner pain, weakness, and difficulties. Perhaps it is then that we feel more deeply this bonding in a common humanity. Friendships grow between people of different backgrounds and cultures because they meet as persons, not because they share a common heritage.  Such friendships grow because we all belong to the largest group of all, the human race.”  A TED talk by Brené Brown on “the power of vulnerability” can help with this process of becoming friends https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o 

In the third chapter, “From Exclusion to Inclusion: A Path of Healing,” the author emphasizes that this creation of a more inclusive sense of belonging is to be done by each of us.  His approach makes it difficult for us to “pass the buck” to our government to do what needs to be done.  We have an essential part to play.  “Is this a utopian vision?  If it is lived at the grassroots level, in families, communities and other places of belonging, this vision can gradually permeate our societies and humanize them.”   He explicitly acknowledges the fact that as individuals our capacity is very limited:  “I’m not suggesting for a moment that each one of us must welcome into our homes all those who are marginalized.  I am suggesting that if each one of us, with our gifts and weaknesses, our capacities and our needs, opens our heart to a few people who are different and become their friends, receive life from them, our societies would change.”

In the fourth Chapter, “The Path to Freedom,” he explains that we are imprisoned by forces within us, our likes and dislikes; that we are often unconscious of these forces; and that we can become more conscious of them, just as we can become more conscious of our breathing.  “From a purely psychological point of view, we all want to feel good about ourselves, and so we look for positive reinforcement from those around us.  We need to be admired and appreciated; we need to feel loved and cared for.  We need to feel that if we are absent, there is someone who will miss us.  Just as instinctively as breathing, we flee those who make us feel helpless, inadequate, devalued, or anguished – all the things that make us feel bad about ourselves.”

Each of us pursues goals, and associates with people, that will make us feel good about ourselves.  The details of what each person seeks are unique to that person.  In our pursuit, we can neglect parts of our being, leaving them undeveloped.   It happened to Vanier with his total commitment to his work as a naval officer, when “I left other parts of my being – my heart, my intelligence – undeveloped.”   Even a life of “service to others” may have counterintuitive motives and consequences.  Obviously, we cannot dismiss our needs, “but we also need to learn how to govern them rather than be governed by them.”   To be free is a process of understanding who we are, accepting “all that is beautiful, all the brokenness in us; it is to love our own values, to embrace them, and to develop them; it is to be anchored in a vision and a truth but also to be open to others and, so, to change.”   Vanier quotes Nelson Mandela: “I am not truly free if I am taking away someone else’s freedom, just as surely as I am not free when my freedom is taken from me…to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” 

In the fifth and final chapter, “Forgiveness,” the author writes, “We humans are called to become free, to free others, to nurture life, to look for the worth and the beauty in each and every one of us…and so prepare the seeds of peace for tomorrow.”  Finding freedom for ourselves and others involves “finding freedom from those inner hurts that govern our behaviour and make us act inhumanly towards others.”   He is very much aware that “many of us are weighed down by guilt,” and cites examples of parents feeling guilty because of their failures as parents and husbands and wives feeling guilty because of their failures as marital partners.  “The question, then, is how to free ourselves from the weight of guilt?”  The answer is to be found in an unconditional and transformative love.  Referring to the love that is essential to the effectiveness of the l’Arche community, he emphasizes its liberating effect, but also that it has to be received, accepted.  “We can block it, refuse to believe in it, or not want it at all.  Sometimes the desire to die can be overwhelming.” This transforming love and forgiveness are the power source for well-being at the personal, the interpersonal, and the global level.  In Vanier’s words: “It is the supreme gift, the greatest of gifts, because it is a gift of liberation from all the hurts of the past, hurts that prevent us from living fully and loving others.”

From there, the author develops the theme that the hurt inflicted by one person on another, or by one group on another (the genocide in Rwanda, for example, or what the Germans did to the French in the First World War) results in hatred or PTSD or other forms of damage, and that damage is itself a form of bondage.  To break our chains, we must be able to love our enemies.  Muslim, Buddhist, and Christian texts emphasize this issue.  He presents a series of steps that can be taken on the road to forgiveness. He concludes the book with this: “If each one of us today begins this journey and has the courage to forgive and be forgiven, we will no longer be governed by past hurts.  …But let us not put our sights too high.  We do not have to be saviours of the world!  We are simply human beings, enfolded in weakness and in hope, called together to change our world one heart at a time.”